An Inconvenient Agenda

I had a short conversation with a guy at work regarding the Al Gore documentary An Inconvenient Truth. I'd seen Al on Oprah for about 30 seconds but other than that I don't know much about the film. So this friend comes into work talking about how he saw the movie and how scary it all is. All I said in response is, "I'm not buyin' it." "YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN GLOBAL WARMING?!?!?!!!" The look on his face was like I just said I didn't believe in traffic lights.

His overreaction makes me even less interested in seeing it. I'm not an activist about anything really. I think there are so, so many things wrong with this world that I have a hard time picking just one. And I'm just a little suspicious of those who can pick just one. There has to be some ulterior motive involved. I mean bringing global warming to a screeching halt by using better light bulbs? (that's the part I saw on Oprah) I'm just not buying it.

So I finally saw a preview for An Inconvenient Truth. It actually sounds kind of fascinating. I like geography and geology and natural disaster movies. I might just rent it for entertainment value...in the Discovery Channel sort of way. But one thing Al said in that preview revealed his ulterior motive.

I think his line went something like this. "Should we be spending so much money/time fighting terrorists or should we focus on global warming."

Hmm Al, that's a good question. Let's see...who gets to decide if this country should fight terrorist? Um...uh...hmmm...oh I got it! The president!!! Oh yeah...give me a gold star! Now...who's our current president?? This one's a little tougher...let me think.....................................................OH!!! It's George W. Bush!! Do I get another star? Oh and one more thing. Who kicked your ass in the campaign for that esteemed position in our government? Could that be George Bush as well? Me thinks so. Geriatric Floridians aside, he won the election. Al, you must be pissed off about that huh?

Here's the thing. I'm not a big fan of Dubya anymore either. And I'm not against altering our current goings on on this planet to prevent it's early destruction. But I'm not going to watch An Inconvenient Truth and see it as anything more than reactionary liberal propaganda.

I am more afraid when I watch movies like Hotel Rwanda, Lord of War, Babel (not that I've seen it yet), Blood Diamond (ditto). What good is saving the planet if it will filled with greed and hatred. I'd rather see our leaders work on human relations. Our families need help. Our country, our world and it's citizens.

If the planet is going to implode in 100 years because we use too much AquaNet then I'd rather see it go out on a good note, with the crown of God's creation, human life, being the thing we value above all things.

Mind numbing fun

I seriously love YouTube. I followed Lisa's link to the Neil Patrick Harris rendition of
Confrontation from Les Mis and now I'm learning all kinds of cool stuff about fighting celebs and such.
Kelly's mad at Clay. Rosie's mad at Kelly.
Kelly's mad at Rosie. And everyone with a soul is mad at Michael Richards. This is the coolest site.

Oh, and did I mention that I love href?

Helloooo!

I haven't been here in a long time. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I did. I went to the Grover's (Tom and Lisa's) and ate my weight in turkey and honey baked ham and pork sausage stuffing and mashed taters and home made pies and to top it all off, coffee with mint mocha creamer . We played Catch Phrase with waay too many people and had a blast.

I want to list some things for witch I am infinitely grateful...

• My mom...who always loves me
• My friends...who make me laugh and think and grow
  
• My job...that pays my bills
• My hopes and dreams...even if they seem to hide from me and make me cry a lot
• My faith...even if it seems to hide from me and makes me cry a lot.
• My God...even if He seems to hide from me and makes me cry a lot.
• My apartment...even though my shower doesn't work very well and my closets randomly smell like sewage.

That's just a tiny list and there are many sub-lists. I can't wait to enjoy this Christmas season with all of you.

Update: 11:35pm

I wrote the above before I left to see a movie with Meegs and Lori. I have a new addition to my Thanksgiving list.

• Daniel Craig...who...well...mmm.
  

Totally cool

Dood! Lara Flyn Boyle, covered in post mortum gooiness, just crawled out of the instantly mummified, aforementioned creepy chubby woman. Sweeeet.

I do love gory stuff sometimes.

Type casting

Poltergiest III has that short little chubby woman with the high pitched Southern accent. She is still creepy. Who is she? Could she ever do any other role besides "creepy woman?" I doubt it.

This surfer needs some techy help

So I downloaded this new fancy version of Internet Explorer about a month ago. They (the elusive "they") "recomended" it. Since then my browser freezes about once and hour and I have to end program. I did a virus scan on my 'puter and it's clean according to my anti-virus softwear. So now what? Anyone know how I can go back to the good 'ol days of non-fancy surfing? Or can I contact someone at Windows and encourage them to get their poop in a group? (anyone have a number?)

Help me...I'm computer challenged!

Ah...to be 18 again

I'm watching Dr. Phil and there's this couple who met on SugarDaddy.com. The guy is a 40 yr old widower and his girlfriend is 18. He is concerned that she's just after his money (ya think?)and his friend is hilariously obnoxious about her and her intentions for his 40 year old friend. She claims, with tears streaming down her face, that Mr. Rich guy is her soulmate and that she "believes in God" and that marriage is for life and that Mr. Obnoxious Friend is being unfair and cruel.

Dr. Phil is being generous when he says that he doesn't think it's impossible for a relationship that began on SugarDaddy.com to become something meaningful. But he also brought up the fact that Little Miss 18 may not have the life experience necessary to deal with the world view of a 40 year old...not to mention a man who's lost a wife to terminal illness. (as an aside, she told Mr. 40 that he had to get rid of all the pictures of his late wife.)

She's reacting to this line of reasoning like I used to react to my parents telling me that I couldn't wear make-up till I was in high school. They said it was for my own good and that I would understand when I was older. I swore up and down (in so many words, and in my jr. high way) that I knew all there was to know and that they were unjustly excercising their authority in order to make themselves feel like good parents. And I wasn't going to stand for it!!!

This girl needs to hit 30 ...hell, 25...and come to understand, like all of us have, that she doesn't know jack shit. I swear the older I get the less I know.

I feel bad for Little Miss 18. She really believes she's got it all figured out. She feels profoundly misunderstood. I remember that feeling. It sucks. It feels like the whole world is against you.

Stick it out honey, you'll see. A day will come when you'll remember your television debut and cringe. Don't be embarrassed, we've all been there.

No more campaign commercials!! YAY!!

Well, voting day has come and frankly, it couldn't have come on a worse day. I was worried last week because I didn't really have any idea who I'd vote for. I've been in a funk for a month now. So much for ADW...it's more like ADS (season). But these last 2 days have been horrendous.

My new polling place is a retirement hotel. As I was in the elevator I noticed a sign advertising a Julie Andrews concert at 1:30 this afternoon (which was only 10 minutes from that very moment.)

Now if I was depressed before, I was spiraling downward now. I'm a little dissastisfied with my life right now. I quote Fontine (of Les Miserables fame) when I say, "I had a dream my life would be...so different from this hell I'm living." Now I realize that's a bit melodramatic but it's a very moving musical.

Anyway, if Mary Poppins is singing to deaf geriatrics in her twilight years in the middle of the afternoon, then what hope do I have of making my life memorable?

So I go in and vote and stare at the screen because I still don't know who the hell I'm going to vote for. I consider all the things I've learned about the candidates. Some comments about one in particular ("south side white trash" I think it went...from someone who shouldn't talk) are chock full of ignorance. Some comments and recomendations about some of them seem much more well informed.

I still didn't know what to do. I almost did the write-in thing. But then I cast a vote...and I will keep it to myself as is my right as an American.

Then I walked out of the practically-a-nursing home and felt slightly better. I'd been naval gazing for a long time now and getting out and thinking about the larger community made me see a break in my clouds.

My civic duty fulfilled, I can see my importance in the world. Even if only for 10 minutes.

Clinton gets a new job

I'm tappin' that TV vein again. Stacy and Clinton have gone from fashion gurus to life coaches.
They just told a mini-skirt wearin'-low-rise sportin'-cleavage exposing-40-somthin' that, "This is about giving you options. You can only get so far being 'tarty'." I want to marry him...although I have a sneaky suspicion he's not interested in my kind.

F'ing read this article...A holes.

This is priceless. Just priceless. Enjoy.

If you park this bad I'd hate to see how you...

Ok seriously. Is it really necessary to leave a half a car length in front of you when you parallel park? 5 cars fit on the small area of street next to my building. If and I mean if people don't leave 200 feet between them and the car in front of them. Bastards all!

Movie review...sort of.

I watched The Shipping News this afternoon. I highly recomend it. It's not the feel-good movie of the decade or anything, but I like it for several reasons. #1) It confirms, if I ever had a doubt, that I never ever want to go to Newfoundland. #2) It stars Kevin Spacey, Cate Blanchet, Judi Dench, and Juliane Moore. A fine cast. and #3) It's a movie about hope and healing. I love those two very things, as many of you know. There is hope for a broken heart...a broken life. If a Hollywood story can show it, and this myth can stir us, then it it must mean there is a deeper reality. Hope and healing is possible. It has to be.

Next Tuesday is fast aproaching

I hate politics. I hate hate hate hate it!!!

I don't believe a damn thing anybody says. I hear Republicans talkin' shit...Democrats talkin' shit. I don't know what to think. CNN says this...FOXNews says that.

I'm stumped. I have to admit that I'm a political retard. I know very little about our government and how it operates. Bill O'Reily said that most Americans don't know who the Speaker of the House is. I hang my head in shame. I don't even know what the Speaker of the House does.

But there are issues that find themselves in political platforms that are of great importance to me: abortion; poverty; international relations; stem cell research; capital punishment. And my beliefs about what will make this country better, straddle political parties.

So I might try to educate myself as best I can and choose a candidate that best fits my own belief system. (haha...yeah I'm a comedian now.) or.....

... I might just write in Meeg's mom.

To be comforted

I'm sitting on my sofa listening to the gentle hiss of my radiators kicking in. It's a comforting sound. It's as if they're warning of colder days ahead and reminding me that they'll keep me warm. I think I'll go make some herbal tea...

I am also addicted to...

checking the comments on my blog. I think I've checked it 20 times since I posted. I guess I'm more "words of affirmation" than I thought. Or maybe I'm an insecure writer who fears her writing is only good to her own eyes. Like the karaoke bar flies who, after a couple heineken's, think their Shania f'ing Twaine.

I need therapy...big time.

Junk or Jesus? (or L&O marathons)

I want to talk about addiction. I am familiar with the concept of addictions but practically speaking, how does one overcome them?

On Oprah this morning (ahem...TV?) were women who had had gastric bypass surgery. Once they'd lost all that weight they went on to other destructive behaviors such as alcoholism and promiscuity, trading one addiction for another.

I know in my own life, I've done that quite often. I have many "habits" from which to choose: eating, reading, TV, smoking. And they are interchangeable. I'm always self medicating. But honestly I don't even know what deep issues I'm medicating myself from.

Now, I know I'm not alone in the whole addiction thing. I know from my reading and TV watching that everyone has an issue with one addiction or another. We all want to check out. But strip away our numbing habits and we're faced with, in some cases, unbearable fear and pain. How on earth are we expected to cope?

The popular Christian response would be to "offer it up to the Lord." Now, again, this I understand in theory. But what does "offering it up" really mean...what does it look like? I've witnessed people trading some naughty vice for an unbending, unforgiving morality. Did they really "offer it up to the Lord" or did they replace they're destructive behaviors for a more benign addiction to a theological idea?

I was going to say "an addiction to God" but stopped myself. I know God is key, but I struggle with the idea of "checking out with Jesus." I don't want to check out. I want His assistance in facing this fucked up world. But I want to continue to see the pain around me and not bury my head in the sand. For how can I make the world a better place if I turn my back on it. Yet, there's no way to face it, and really feel it, without the novocaine of dissociation. I know I must draw from a strength I don't posses.

But how does one do that?

I know prayer is essential and I suck at it. My prayer muscles have atrophied and working them out right now is painful. But like any exercise you have to start small. I'm not good at starting small. I want the results without the work. (hmm...a recurring theme...interesting)

I have no answers and I'm sooo tired of thinking about it. I quote Scarlett O'Hara when I say, "I'll think about that tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day...and Law & Order is on."

Two Sides of a Coin

Part I: I am disheartened, nay, dismayed by the state of our world. Last week I watched a lot of Oprah. She had a couple shows that punctuated for me the vast difference between western culture and the rest of the world.

Tonight, I faced western civilization personified. People without understanding or compassion. People who felt entitled to my undivided attention at all times. People who treated me like the help. Co-workers who have no qualms about making someone else do their work for them because they're too lazy or slow to do it themselves. People who think everyone else is there to clean up after them. Adults who don't know that a quart is bigger than a pint. Young adults in the working world who were never taught how to learn.

I think it's possible that some of these new people at work suffer from learning disabilities. Or maybe it's that kids today were so coddled that they don't have any idea how to be self-sufficiant.

Who will lead our country in 20 years? A frightening thought, no? Abundance truly does create apathy.

Part II : After I was done bitching (verbally and internally) about the above scenarios I had a flash of conviction. I was impatient with a table because they were taking too long to order and maybe they noticed. I wasn't very nice to my fellow employees. I don't like being unkind. I hate getting angry at work. I'm embarrassed by my outbursts of rage.

If I'm brutally honest, I have to admit that what upset me so much was that it all made my night more difficult. And just like any good American, I don't think life should be difficult. I should be able to have whatever I want (20% tips?) with as little work as possible. If I'm honest, I also lacked compassion and understanding.

But I don't know how to fix it.

There is one thing that gives me hope about my own western sense of entitlement.... I know a quart is bigger than a pint.

I'm gonna ramble

I love online bill-pay. I sat in my jammies and paid bills. No checks to write, no stamps to dig out of my desk drawer. LOVE. IT.

On a more serious note. (but not that serious) I love life today! Maybe I'm bi-polar but today is a great day. I'm going down to the third ring of hell (namely the south burbs) to see my friends Paul and Maryellen who I haven't seen in a long time. I miss them.

Then tomorrow I have Lori's gig and the boy is going so that'll be fun. Then next week I have to work hard to make up for two Saturdays in a row that I need off. One for Megan's birthday party and one for Paul and Maryellen's 10th anniversary party. (I can't believe it's been 10 years!)

I guess all those feelings of utter aloneness last week were unwarranted. (Although I probably needed to feel that way for a little bit so I could remember today that...) I have lots of great friends.

Thank you all for accepting me even though I get depressed sometimes.

Love you!

Brief Update

I realize I haven't posted much lately. I've labeled last week "Aunal Depression Week." I get that way this time of year. I usually call it my Fall Melancholy. But when something emotionally troubling happens (as it did last week) it blows up into full-on, don't-want-to-get-out-of-bed- depression.

I'm ok now. I just have to work a little harder in the next couple of weeks to make up for the money I lost by giving my shifts away. I just needed a little time to myself. I'm not gonna beat myself up about it.

I hope to see some of you at Lori's gig on Friday!

Armageddon is upon us

Uhh...what's up with the weather? I woke up and it was snowing. I'd heard it might snow so I wasn't too shocked and by the time I got to my car it had stopped and was just ugly cloudy. Then about 2 miles from my home the sun came out and I saw blue sky and pretty puffy white clouds. Then, as I looked about three blocks ahead, I saw a complete white out. Mind you, my car was still in total sunlight. It was the coolest, freakiest thing I've ever seen. I got to the white out point and was in a complete blizzard...I could barely see two car lengths in front of me.

By the time I'd been working for a half hour the sun was out again and the skies were blue. Ten minutes after that we had another blizzard. So weird.

Definitely "end of the world" weather.

PS. How 'bout that blogroll...I'm frickin' brilliant! (stay tuned for some cool links)

Two more things

#1 I'm enrolling in a writer's workshop. I found it online and it looks awesome.
The Writer's Loft looks like just what I need. If you check out the site you'll see a list of bullet points that basically describe my every problem with writing. (except that I don't have any training) So I'm excited.

#2 I prayed today. I wrote in my journal and prayed for my very troubled friend who I love very much. I don't know if things will work out the way I want (as if I really know what I want) but it's comforting to know that God loves him infinitely more than I do.

Sweet Blog

I was searching blogger to see if I could figure out how to put a blogroll on my page (Lori help!!) and found this Blog of Note.

It belongs to a young woman who writes just three things that made her happy that day. It made me smile so I thought I'd share it. I especially loved #3 from today on account of my love for The Breakfast Club.

Enjoy!

Oye!

This lady on What Not to Wear is brutal...but correct. Ouch!

Oh...article...right...bye!

My Goal

for the day is to write an article. I've got the beginnings of several pieces of varying subject matter. We'll see what we can come up with. I had lunch with my cousin (in-law?) yesterday and she has a friend who's the associate editor for Today's Christian Woman. Now I know that publication falls under the Christianity Today International umbrella and they are very conservative evangelicals. I'm hesitant to get hooked up with them because conservative evangelicals tend to hurt my feelings. But we'll see.

I guess I have to shut off TLC and What Not to Wear...and stop surfing for a kitchen table...because see....writing would be so much easier if I had a kitchen table.

Heehee...I love blogging.

I heart daytime TV !!!

I love Susan Lucci but I'm watching her on The View and I think I heard her say two whole words. The girls were having a heated discussion about the war in Iraq and Joy, Rosie, and Elizabeth were fighting to get their opinions heard and poor, sweet Susan Lucci wasn't able to get a word in edge-wise.

Maybe she needs to whip out a little Erica Kane on their asses.

Hope deferred...

I had two experiences this week and they were very similar.

One was with a friend. One was with God at church this morning.
Both incidents can best be described as a mind-fuck.

The difference is that my friend and I had a conversation about it and worked things out as best we could for right now. When I talk and cry to God about why He seems to enjoy torturing me...He is silent.

A friend once said that being in a relationship with God was like being in an abusive relationship. I've never felt that to be more true than I do right now. And yet I still hope.

Another friend says that even though she questions God's motives often, she knows that she would simply die without Him.

This is my problem: I am being tormented by a God who's very breath sustains my life.

"What you have said is hard...but to whom else could I go?"

Great Article

Thanks Lori! I get to use my new html skill.

Check out this article about the emerging Church. I wish Catholicism could adopt this style of community. I don't want to change any doctorine or even the fundamentals of the liturgy. I just want it to be a place that is appealing to people. Especially me.

Creation

It's difficult for me to describe the beauty of the North Woods. My mom and I just got back from visiting Bud-n-Sue (my uncle and his wife) in Minoqua. Those of you, (Lisa, Megan and Tina) who have been there, will attest to the perfection of their little cabin in the woods. And it's even more perfect now. Bud vaulted the ceiling, replaced the nasty shag carpet with a teak-wood floor, and completely renovated the kitchen. It's beautiful. The perfect autumn getaway.

I got up around 8am Sunday to get ready for church. I was practically alone in the house as Bud and Sue are not churchgoers and were still in bed and my mom was in their camper in the front yard. (her own little apartment for the weekend)

The scene out their back windows was breathtaking. The sun peeking over the tops of the trees creating steam on the surface of the lake and setting the fall colors on fire. I took my coffee and my journal out to the deck and just...sat. And it was quiet. A silence interupted only by the sound of the loons.

I don't think I've ever seen a loon but their call is the hallmark of the North Woods. It's an eerie lonely sound. My senses were full of God's creation and I was stunned by the beauty.

I was also stunned and saddened that going to church didn't feel like a continuation of my comtemplative frame of mind, but an unwelcomed interruption.

I think there's something wrong with that...but I don't know how to change it.

And the award goes to...

Now that a week has gone by, and I still have my job, I can tell you the greatest screw-up at a table...ever.

A little back-story...

I work at a restaurant that is very casual and family friendly. It is also very expensive. This latter fact allows me to live alone and pay my bills very nicely. So when I have a table that seats 8 people, I prefer that it is seated with 8 hungry adults who want lobster tails. Naturally, this doesn't alway happen and I find myself taking it all in stride, knowing that the next table might be the good one.

But last Sunday night I watched in horror as six children, all under the age of 12 (the age limit for the kid's menu) walk in with their two moms. As they were getting their high chairs and boosters all situatied I walked into a side station (completely out of earshot from any paying customers) to vent. Standing there, was the kitcen manager and another server. I walked up to them and asked, in my most sarcastic tone, where I might find the nearest Chuck E. Cheese's. Said kitchen manager started giving me directions. I interrupted him with, "yeah yeah great...go tell table 34."

And he did.

A month ago I was truly dismayed by the favoritism shown to servers who screw up constantly. Now I can honestly say that I am grateful for it. Servers have been fired for less.

OMG HGtv!!

I'll write a serious blog when this show is over. I promise.

I will be a server forever

The cable guy was here to hook me up with tv and internet. He's been gone all of 30 minutes and I've been sucked in already. TLC and What Not to Wear. Damn that's good viewin'.

Am I really that old?!

I think I'm entering para-menopause. I heard this term the other day and it flashed through my brain today when I almost tore the eyeballs out of this guy at my table. And when I tell you what happened, you'll probably think I need serious meds.

I go to the table...I take a drink order. Strawberry lemonade, coke, garlic rolls. Yes. During the drink order taking portion of the dining out experience, this guy orders garlic rolls. And he did so in a tone that suggested I'd never heard of such things as "garlic rolls." I wanted to tell him that my bra stinks for 2 days in my hamper after a double...I know what fucking garlic rolls are.

But seriously. Why whould that put me in such a rage? And it's not even that this guy was rude. He was polite when he ordered the garlic rolls to drink. He was just being stupid, and in so doing, threw off my whole order-taking groove. That's it. He threw off my groove.

But I was so enraged that he may as well have called me a fat whore. Then the anger subsided after about 5 minutes and I was fine.

I need to make a doctor's appointment I think.

Lisa's "weekend"

I had this glorious writing schedule planned for the Sunday Monday and Tuesday weekend I'd arranged. Here I am at Panera...planning on writing for the first time. Plus, I'm really just killing time till what's-his-face-calls...we're going "cruising" tonight. I'm so excited for him. He needed Lori's little beater of a car to feel human again...and it's fun to watch him get giddy.

Anyway, I'm just dropping by to say something real quick. I promise...then I write.

I was told yesterday that I'm 35 and it's time I let Lisa have some fun. That I should just have sex with you know who and get it overwith. That we both want it so we should just have fun and let whatever happens happen.

Sigh...It's not like the thought hasn't crossed my mind. And make no mistake. I'm not talking...blush...giggle... crossed my mind. I mean I've gone so far as to weigh pros and cons.
I do get tired of being different from the rest of the world. There are quite a few people I socialize with who have sex for the fun of it. Yes...even the women. It's not the high-school girl lets varsity quarterback get in her pants because she wants to be loved scenario. It's pure adult sex for fun and no one gets hurt. And if they do then they're no more heartbroken than I've been by various love interests. So what the hell's the big deal.

I don't have all the answers. Not even to my should I/shouldn't I dilemma. But one thing I do know is my own heart. If I listen closely it will remind me over the din of my raging hormones that when it happens it will be a complete self donation. There is no separating sex and love in this heart.

So no matter what I believe is possible for the future. The question of the moment is this: Is he prepared to receive all of Lisa?

A: Hell no.

Speaking of Epic Moments

So my friend got his (Lori's) car today. I was hoping (as I always do) that by now I would have gotten the let's-go-for-a-drive call. It is currently 7:18 pm and I have received no such invitation.

I'm not devestated. Just mildly disappointed. No plans were made in advance...he hasn't blown me off. But I had this grand story going on in my head. My doorbell would ring...I'd say, "wtf?!" because no one ever just drops by. I'd do the intercom thing and it would be him telling me to get dressed and come on down b/c he was taking me to dinner. We'd have a nice time and talk about everything on our minds and maybe even continue the evening with a walk on the beach.

You see? Epic.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Best seller list please!....PRONTO!!

Back in January I decided that I would seriously begin my "writing career" and get something published. My mom got me that big ol' Writers Market book for Christmas that came with a year membership to Writersmarket.com. I have done nothing and I'm feeling very (nickle word) very ($.05) very($.05) inadequate.

I figured that since my imagination is sooo out of control and I've got a dreamed up scenario for every possible life event, that writing it all down could get me at least published. But as I look at my blank screen I realize I'm good at writing epic moments. I actually have a bunch saved on my hard drive. It's the beginnings that scare me.

I seriously don't know how to start a story. I know how to write the BIG stuff. But what are all the things that led up to the big stuff? I dunno. Maybe I don't care. Maybe that's my problem. I want all big stuff and no back story.

Maybe I'm impatient. I want the book written...now. The stories of writers working on the great american novel for a decade. Screw that...I want the Robert James Waller book. Bridges of Madison County was written in like 2 weeks. Now that's what I'm talkin' about. Even though Stephen King suggests (in so many words) that Bridges was less than quality writing, it was a NYTimes bestseller, was it not?

I'm really only half serious. I want to write well. But I am impatient. I am a procrastinator. I spent hours writing and rewriting lists of contests I want to submit my writing to. But I didn't write a damn thing.

I guess I have to work on myself. Self evaluation...reflection...correction. Ugh! To be unaware! Ignorance is bliss, no?

This is fun...

"The hardest thing about writing is always having to clean the refridgerator first."

Not sure about the above quote...I was told it was Hemmingway. I love it regardless.
The following is Hemmingway for sure.

"The first draft of anything is shit."

This I relate to!

I wanna feel something!

My friend Lisa has a blog and I don't know how to turn her name into the link

(Lori, please help me!)

so here's her blog thingy http://zell-it.com/blog/

She has some interesting thoughts on the new WTC movie.

Here's what I think.
#1 I think people want to be a part of something bigger than themselves. The day to day grind doesn't stir people's hearts. What does John* say? The things that stir men's hearts are beauty and affliction. People sat on their asses and watched the tube for 4 days striaght because they wanted their hearts to feel again.

#2 In a world where it's almost a crime to say that there is an absolute moral code we were able, on that day, to say with certainty(and have most agree with us) that this was a purely evil act.

I think people feel safe with moral boundries. Oddly enough, I think people sat on their asses and watched the tube for 4 days straight because saying "this is wrong" felt good. In a strange way, it felt safe. As if they were thinking, "I knew there was a right and a wrong!!

I have more to say about absolut vs. relative morality...but I'm saving it for another day. II'm very tired.

Peace out!

*Eldridge not the gospel writer.

A quick thought before I go

I'm off to the WI state fair today. Hello funnel cake, grilled corn and cheese curds!

I wanted to drop in and say something that's on my mind.

It's about communication people!!

You're never gonna know why he/she does that thing you hate unless you ask.
He/she will certainly never stop doing it unless you explain to them why you hate it.
And he/she is never gonna know why you're upset unless you tell them.

They're not assholes because they can't read minds. If you follow the above advice and they don't care....then their assholes.

I have to go beyond the cheese curtain now....

A girl can't shop anymore!!!

About 2 weeks ago I was in a Bath & Body Works. I had just spent a bunch of time reading and writing and deep thinking and I just wanted to browse and maybe get some air freshener. But I was not 5 seconds in the door when I was approached by someone who asked if they could help me find something. I politely smiled and responded with, "No thanks, I'm just browsing." She went on to list all the things that were on sale and pointed out exactly where I might find the items. I made it a point to communicate by my body language that I was serious when I said I was just BROWSING. But naturally I responded with a grin and a, "thanks". She of course, felt compelled to continue by telling me that IF I were, at any point in time, in need of her assistance that I should seek her out. Again I said, "thanks". Then finally she walked away.

I finally felt safe to continue thinking about all that was on my mind. But...and I'd love to say I was exaggerating the time frame here...10 seconds later....an extremely bright eyed manager- type started coming at me like I was a wounded wildabeast, and her next meal. I literally felt a sense of panic as she came up to me...the bitch was gonna help me find something if it killed her. "HI! :) :) :) Can I help you find something?!?!" I said, "No thanks, she already asked and I'm just browsing." Again, I wish I was exaggerating but she seriously started listing the sales and then wanted me to follow her (she wasn't just going to point like her slacker employee!) to their locations.

If anyone knows me they know I'm extremely non-confrontational. But I've been getting better lately. So I had to interupt her by saying, "Look, I was already approached and I just want to look around. If I'm not allowed to do that, then I'm going to leave." And do you know what she said?? She said, (at least sheepishly...I'll give her that) "I'm sorry, I just wanted to let you know that...blah blah blah...is on sale and that you can find it...." Me interrupting (and not so polite), "Yes. I know. Thank you."

I was left alone after that. Odly enough, air freshener was one of the items on sale. And in fact I did seek out sales girl #1 to ask a question about it.

Ok...first of all the store is about 200 sq ft. and I think there's a sales girl for every 5. I go to ikea and I wonder if there's anyone even working there and that place is about as big as O'Hare.
Secondly, I want to know if a survey has ever been done that has found that if a person needs something and doesn't know where to find it, that they are more likely to leave without asking than getting what they need.

I don't know who comes up with these sales tactics. I think our consumer driven culture does just fine without pushy sales people. I say get rid of commission based pay alltogether. If I want a car I'll buy a car...and I'll hunt for the best deal. If you can give me the best deal then we can talk. But the price of body spray isn't negotiable...so leave me the fuck alone.

Hello blogging world!!

I can't believe I'm here. It took me an hour and a half to finally get this far in the blog creating process. I was a little nervous. Go figure.

Anyway, here's the deal. I don't have internet in my home yet because I can't bring myself to pay for tv and cable internet. Isn't tv supposed to come with your...uh.....TV !?!?!

I guess I'm bitter. I turn on the tube and all I get is static and it pisses me off.

So as far as blogging goes I'm stuck going to panera till I can overcome my hatred for comcast. I ask for your patience.

I look forward to venting with all of you in the days and months (and who knows...years) to come.

Later!