I Can't Believe it's Over!!

I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas! My mom and I went to brunch at 10:00, listened to Josh Groban and then watched the Cold Case marathon on TNT. Then I went to bed. Pretty boring on this end, but I had a nice time with my mom.

Now I'm dog sitting for my friend Jane. He's a great big dog who acts like a puppy and follows me around the house. I got up for a coffee refill and he came along. It's annoyingly cute. I get irritated but I haven't been followed around by a cute boy in a while. It's nice to have someone (or somedog) say by their actions, "I really want to be around you." So ya kina gotta love it.

Dear Well-meaning Christians,

Meegs has two awesome posts on her blog. One from yesterday and one from today.

I want to point out that today's post is brought to you by yesterday's post. Filled with sarcasm (fabulous wit) and doubt, Meegs laid out her soul yesterday. She embraced her doubt and wrestled with it...and God, and today, produced a profound insight into her own struggle, which I'm sure is shared with half the Christian world (if they're willing to face it.)

If you are a Christian who can't stand to see someone struggle with their faith without putting in your two sense, please wait. Wait to see if the struggle produces something beautiful before you try to ease it. (BTW....that might take years)

Am I wrong?

As the Office du Tourisme de Paris recovers from our last little war against popular fiction and Hollywood, we find ourselves embroiled in yet another cultural debate. Enter Philip Pullman and his "Golden Compass."
If you haven't heard, the movie is based on the first book in a trilogy called "His Dark Materials." Word on the street is that Pullman is a militant atheist who is bent on "bashing Christianity and promoting atheism." So says the opposition. I do not jump on bandwagons, but let us, for simplicity's sake, assume this is correct. (I believe it is...I did some poking around and all evidence points to it.)

I am, frustrated that believers are so....so...fearful. Why is it that Christians shy away from informing themselves? Say someone you know sees The Golden Compass. Say that person is not a Christian and wants to enter into a discussion about it. What are you going to say... I didn't see it because it differs from my belief system? It's a horrible movie by the Big Bad Atheist? So then that person is left alone with his impressions of the movie, and what could have been an opportunity to evangelize has instead, confirmed the opinion that Christians are narrow-minded and expect you to believe what they say simply because they said it. (or because the "bible says so")

As a Christian, I believe certain things. I believe those things to be true, good, and beautiful. I want to share those things with people who may have opposite beliefs. How can I do that if I don't allow myself exposure to opposing points of view.


I don't know if I'm going to see it or not. I'm not in favor of giving my money to diabolical anti-Christian movements. But I know the more the Church opposes it, the more people who want to thumb their nose in that direction will want to see it. And I know that we are much more equipped to engage in debate when we understand both sides of an argument. So what to do? I don't know. It's more complicated than a boycott I think.

Disclaimer:
I would not recommend this movie or these books for kids.
I would not recommend this movie or these books for people who think whatever appears on the big screen is real (critical thinking is a must here folks!!)

Say It Ain't So !!!

I am very sad today. I can no longer consider myself a Chicagoan. I have an Ohio driver's license...and Ohio plates. I am now officially a resident of Mordor. A place where plumes of acrid steam billow from smoke stacks on every horizon. A place where DMV employees say Ohiah and Illinoize. And a place where the most popular eating establishment is called Spanky's.

Shoot me please

Thanksgiving: Disfunction Revisited

Here's the emotional post I never put up. I was yelled at by one Lisa Zell. (her fabulous blog can be found by following the link on my blogroll) She told me to post this even though it's kinda old news.

This is the fourth time I've written this post. I don't know where to focus this discussion of my screwed up relationship with my mother. Quite honestly, I feel like an orphan.

I love my mother. Yet she makes my constant, dull sense of loneliness more acute. I can go on to complain about all the adolescent emotions she provokes in me but I'll spare you. What I see is a future of caring for my mother alone. I've never felt more like a "lonely only" than I do right now. I feel an overwhelming, and almost oppressive, sense of responsibility. And I feel so selfish because I can't seem to get over the hurt. I practically threw her onto the plane Sunday -- I couldn't be with her anymore.

As a Catholic, I believe in the redemptive power of suffering. It is a beautiful concept that gives purpose to our pain. But I am literally on my couch crying in horror at the idea that my redemption will come through this loneliness...and that it will last the length of my life.

First Dance

I was going to post a bunch of previously drafted messages about my Thanksgiving with my mom. They were a little emotional and since I waited so long to get them up here, they are no longer timely. Instead, I'm putting up this video. It's light and sweet and will touch your heart....hehehe. So awesome.

glumbert - Best wedding first dance ever

The Hills

Can someone please explain Mtv's show The Hills. Is it a reality show? Is it scripted? I can't believe writers would sit around writing all those "likes" and "whaaatt???s" I just watched about 2 minutes of it and was totally confused...and bored with the lack of interesting conversation. Then i googled it and there was this talk show video where an audience, two hosts and several groups of people via satellite were talking about one episode like they were real people just living their lives going to Hollywood parties. So weird.

AGAIN!?!?!?!

Didn't we just got through the democratic process, like last week? I mean I swear I was complaining about politics just the other day. As I go through the archives of my blog I realize it was last year but whatever.

So here we go again. While we're not voting till next November, I have to stomach all the presidential campaigns now. And for a whole year.

I really don't want to deal with it.

It's DONE !!!

That's all I have to say about that.

Next time I say, "I can't wait to write a paper"...just shoot me.

I am writing my big research paper today. Guess how come! Oh c'mon guess!

Because it's due tomorrow!

I've had my sources forever. I've been going over them all and doing the research from the beginning. But it's the writing of the paper that gets the grade. I really don't think my body knows how to write a paper without the overwhelming pressure of knowing it's due tomorrow.

I'm signing off till this paper gets handed in.

Don't Listen to the "Experts"

A couple years ago I went with Lori to Xsport to workout with her. I got the tour from one of the hard-sell buff guys so I wouldn't have to pay the fee. (remind me that sometimes it's worth the money) So this huge body builder type asks me if I exercise. I asked if being on your feet for 30+ hours a week counts as exercise. Before I could get the question out he responded with a rather forceful, "NO!" I was dismayed to think that all that time running around for extra oil and garlic wasn't doing me a damn bit of good.

Well, I wish I could go find that punk kid and tell him where he could put his free-weights. I looked in the mirror this morning and realized that three months of sitting in class, sitting on my couch, sitting in a chair at the library, sitting and typing papers has officially put me back to the weight I was hoping to never see again. I have always had weeks where my tummy was a little bit bigger because I went out to eat too many times but the extra weight never reached my face. Well, my face is showing the weight gain now. And with my big fluffy hair I'm starting to look like Aslan. (and not in a majestic, noble and wise way if you know what I mean.)

I am in the depths of despair.

Things to remember:

• This is within my power to change.
• If I lost it once I can lose it again.

Things that scare me:

• Overcoming addiction takes tremendous strength
• I don't feel so strong right now.

AGGGRRRHHH!!!!

Confirmation or a Carrot?

As many of you know, I'm here in Ohio. I moved to this town of Steubenville, not because I've always wanted to live in the Ohio River Valley where the air is so filled with pollutants from the many local steel mills and power plants that your lungs burn in your chest in the morning, but because Franciscan University of Steubenville is here. I'm here to get a degree in communications and hopefully learn how to write books. I came believing that this is where God wanted me.

It seems as though he is putting my often microscopic faith in Him to the test. I have, to this point, failed to acquire the necessary loans to continue in the spring. I do have an appointment with financial aid tomorrow (today) so that may make my entire post moot. But lets assume my appointment won't solve my problem...at least immediately.

I have been reminding God, with shaking fist to the heavens, that He's the one who brought me here. I'm also mentioning (in case He forgot) that he owns all the money in the whole wide world and that I only need a little bitty bit. Not to mention that I will be paying that money back by working very hard and using my degree. It's not like I'm asking for free handouts or anything.

Anyway, after my nice long weekend I was told about an extra-credit op. for my media class. I was to go see Regina Doman, an FUS grad, speak about how her communications degree helped her write her books and get them published.

UM...HELLO! That's exactly what I want to do. So I went to hear her speak. She is soo exactly what I want to be. I was having such an adrenaline rush my hand was shaking and I could hardly take notes.

So I took the whole thing back to God and said, "This feels like confirmation that you're going to work the whole thing out." But I've gotten "confirmation" from you before and I was clearly wrong. SO....are you dangling that proverbial carrot again?" As usual He was silent. (and I was quiet for a long time...waiting for the voice...which I never ever get.)

So we'll see how my meeting goes tomorrow (today).

I have hope, as always. And I feel so stupid for trusting God...but I do. I have to believe that it can't all depend on my finite understanding. If it did, then God is mean and sadistic. And he can't be...he can't be. He is good. He just has to be.

Hang on...

...I want to try something. I thought I had to upload to YouTube first. Maybe I can just copy and past it from my hard drive. This next video doesn't have a Tina Dennelly oscar winning sign-language performance but it has better waves. Let's see if it works.




YouTube works better. I think blogger takes too long to approve it or something because the little video box was there but it said the video was unavailable. Whatever.

My Fall Break

This past weekend was my 4-day Fall break and I took a drive out to Long Island to see Tina and her family. I had a great time relaxing and enjoying her company. Her husband Terry, after a full week of work, was a saint and watched their kids, Tess 3 1/2 and Peter, 1 1/2, while Tina and I drove out to Montauk to see the lighthouse. It was, unfortunately the day the island was being hit with the tail end of a hurricane. I've seen many oceans but in all my life I've never seen waves like these. As the video will show, it wasn't a pretty day. But I still love the ocean. It's ability to provide a beautiful turquoise place of rest, like I saw in Hawaii in May, and it's ability to kill you if you fail to treat it with respect, make me love it in the same way I love men. Someone asked me once what my favorite body of water was and I said the ocean. Then she asked me why...and I told her the same reasons I mentioned above. Then she giggled and said that supposedly one's favorite body of water was a representation of one's view of sex. I don't know if that's true or not but I find it interesting, nevertheless.

Anyway, here's some footage from the adventure. Tina started to talk and I told her the wind was too loud...so she resorted to sign-language.

For Your Viewing Pleasure...and Spiritual Uplift-ment

I had to write an essay on this short film for my mass media class. I think it would be meaningful to any Christian, although, if you weren't raised Catholic, you might not get that that big brass thing with the sunburst is a monstrance. Jesus is in there.

JESUS IN THE STREETS OF NEW YORK

I wish...

...they would put the nutritional information for the entire bag of Terra chips (or pint of Ben & Jerry's) instead of listing it per serving. You know, for when you've had one of those days and don't feel like doing the math yourself.

Like The Old Days

I have had a fabulous weekend kickin' it old school with Lisa Zell (Grover). By old school I mean lots of sitting on the couch in comfy pants, watching Felicity/Alias, and surfing the net together with my new wireless router.*

Yesterday we drove to Robinson to get us some Cracker Barrel and then went to campus to take some pictures but then came straight home to park our asses on the couch some more.

It's been lovely. Really.


*My router is a new addition (as are laptop computers) and clearly cannot be considered old school...but whatever.

Shameless Advertisment

I will be an Erickson Community advocate forever. As I've said before, my mother has a better social life than I do. You may not have believed me then.
Here's your proof!

BTW...

That test I didn't study for? I got a B. Now I'm worrying about my Spanish test...for which I studied 7 hrs. She wanted me to write paragraphs. It's chapter 2!! Wtf?

I'll Dedicate my Book To You If...

...you help me come up with a story.

I've been meeting with the university's career counselor every couple of weeks or so. I have my meeting with her this Thursday. She gave me homework, of sorts, to complete before our meeting and I haven't done it. This is where you can all help me.

She and I have been discussing some of my writing goals and I told her that I'd love to write a novel with good Christian values but that wouldn't be classified as "Christian fiction." She asked what kind of story I'd like to write...what my novel would be about. I told her I had no idea and that that was my main problem.

My homework was to have a little get-together with the girls and have a plot-brainstorming party. Well the problem is that I don't feel comfortable taking them away from their studies with midterms being this week and next.

So I thought I'd send up a flare and ask my girls from home to help instead. Let's brainstorm here in cyberspace.

Tell me ladies...what's my book about?!?!?!

Learning about myself

I must confess that I totally blew off a test this week. My first test in News Reporting was really easy for me and I really enjoyed studying for it. But I seem to have mistaken "enjoyed studying" for "didn't study" because I barely picked up my notes for this one. I don't think I did very well at all.

God knew what he was doing!

Yeah. I hit enter after writing the title. So those of you who were waiting with baited breath for my next post got to see nothing but the title. Ooops!

So as I was saying...

Weekends are God's greatest invention. (next to hot men of course)

It's Friday afternoon and I'm gonna sit on my ass and watch a long run of America's Next Top Model (my guilty pleasure) and then go to a cookout tonight. Then I'm gonna sit on my ass some more tomorrow (and maybe study some) and go to our university's monthly Festival of Praise (where us Catholics get to stand in a big field house and sing songs projected on a big screen like a bunch of evangelicals.) Then on Sunday a bunch of us GNTers (that's Grad/Non-Traditional) are going to a winery and drink some yummy wine and eat cheese and crackers.

And what makes this all so fun is that I did all (well most) of my studying during the week at school so I'm home free.

Franciscan University of Steubenville

Here is the shot I see on my way home everyday. I love it here. The hills are the best. But I walked to class on Monday and I thought I was going to die. I live in a neighborhood on a huge hill and the university is on a different huge hill. It was a work-out let me tell you.

My Apartment.

As I promised I'm posting some photos of my place. I think I'm going to go run out and take some shots of the campus. There's a really great view of the steeple from the parking lot and late afternoon is the best time to take it since the sun is in just the right place.

Anyway, here's my cute kitchen, my living room and my bedroom.

Sorry this post is kind of a hodge podge...I have to get to campus...good sun and all.

Distractions from Studying

OMG! I have much studying to do! I guess I'll be posting more as a way of procrastinating. Though, I must say that I love having homework. I would come home from the crabhouse and having nothing worthwhile to do. I'm sure that in two months I'll wish I had nothing to do at home but right now studying give me a sense of purpose. And I really love learning.

I wish I had more time to study my Photoshop Bible. I bought it with my Border's gift card. I checked all the reviews and it seemed this big ass book was the best for beginners as well as those with a little more experience. If I could get my work done (study for three tests and write a five page paper and read read read) by Saturday night I might use Sunday as Photoshop day. That would be awesome! There are some great campus shots I'd love to capture. I'm going to take a Summer shot, and Autumn shot and a Winter shot.

Also, I was just reminded that you folks haven't seen what my apartment looks like now that I'm settled. I'll have to get that to you too. Hang on...maybe I'll do that now.

Stay tuned

Syllabi and why they make me happy....

I truly get almost giddy (on the inside) when that syllabus is headed my way down the row. I would jump around in my seat and make quick hand clapping motions with my hands if I wasn't going to be looked at funny.

Maybe it's the hope of a new beginning. A fresh start. There's no backtracking and making up for yesterday. Your past grades don't matter here. It all starts....right now...here's a syllabus.

I also like to know what's expected of me. I like to know that in two weeks there's a Spanish exam on Chapter 1. And that this paper that's due on September 20th is worth 20% of my grade. That's very important stuff to know when you've got two Cubs games and Pittsburgh's Irish Fest in one weekend.

The class syllabus can give some insight into the professor as well. Undoubtedly, Professor Whoever will highlight some key points in the syllabus. If he says cutesy little self-deprecating things about it, whether they're funny or not, you know he doesn't take himself too seriously. This is good. If he treats the syllabus like it's on the short list for the Pulitzer, then you know you're in trouble.

Of course the final reason for loving syllabi the way I do is the portion entitled "Objectives." This section outlines the goals of the class and lists the things that you'll learn. It answers that age old question.

"Why the hell am I here?"

24 hr Super-Duper WalMarts and other joys

Hungry, and worried we'd be eating Cheez-its for dinner, Lori and I trolled the Ohio River Valley for someplace that was still open for a late late dinner. We'd just returned to town from our trip to PA for a movie. Which was pretty cool. We had about a 45 minute drive through beautiful countryside to Washington, PA because the Hollywood Somthin' Somthin' Theatre was the only one still showing Transformers.

Anyway, we drove toward the mall hoping something was open. We found an A&W next to the WalMart. Now where I come from, WalMarts close at 10:00 so that option never occurred to me. But then we witnessed the strangest oddity...a man walking into the WalMart with a strange sense of confidence. He did not pause at the door searching for the hours of operation sign...no he did not! With head held high he went at the automatic doors as though he knew...deep in his soul knew they would open.

After witnessing such audacious confidence we approached the door (with no such certainty) and saw no sign telling us to turn around. Then with caution, we walked through the doors and, standing there, as though he wasn't going home anytime soon, stood our WalMart greeter and cart bequeath-er. Lori, asked a simple question...why I hadn't thought to ask I don't know. "are you open 24 hrs?"

The answer was simple...and yet so life altering.

"yep...and this is the best time to shop because everything is real fresh"

Fresh? How can cleaning supplies/clothes/storage bins be "fresh?"

Two more steps and I was able to behold a large grocery store sharing space with my 24 hr. crack-house for shopping addicts.

Life is good.

Moving Misery

I'm so overwhelmed right now. I haven't finished packing. I've got little bits of crap all over the place that have no category and therefore no "official" box. I suppose I could make a "bits of crap" box. But it looks so messy around here and I have many many trips to the garbage can which is 4 floors down. Ugh!!

I'm outta here....

...as soon as I run a thousand errands; pack more; go out to dinner with Ginge tonight; pack more; get a massage; pack more; do laundry; pack more; do more laundry; and pack.

I'm so tired and stressed, but also excited. I can't wait to settle into a new place in a new town and go to school. I know this sounds silly but I can't wait to write a paper and learn Elementary Spanish. I've got a bit of a head start in Spanish with all I learned on Sesame Street. (yay!)

I worked my last shift last night and I thought for sure I'd be sad. I wasn't. It did feel weird that my name wasn't on this week's schedule and I did have a bit of frustration when I realized I'd lost all my seniority. But I'm sooo over it.

I was on my way home with Lori and mentioned that I was experiencing a little bit of sadness about He- Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He and I had some very comfortable and friendly banter at the beginning of the shift and then at the end of it he just left. He might help me load the UHaul but I'm not putting money on it. He's very good at making promises.

Ok enough about that.

I'm looking forward to the road trip with Lori. We have both our iPods and we're ready. Everybody please pray that we can drive the UHaul with my car behind it without getting ourselves killed.

Thank you all for your love and support. I'll miss you LOTS!!

Where ah stay

(i got my titles back)

This is the house I'll be living in when I get to Ohio. I will inhabit the second floor as well as the finished attic. I'm a little giddy about having that attic space. It's a little Virginia Wolf "room of her own" wherein I will spend hours writing and driving myself insane.

I will send photos of the inside when I get there and I will show progress reports as I make the place my own.

I have to say, as much as I'm freaked out about moving out of state all by my lonesome, I am getting a bit excited as well.

Who doesn't love a clean slate?

Life: shakin' it up!

I've listened to enough motivational speakers in the last six years to know one thing: When life becomes unacceptable...change it. I could probably list all the catchy phrases they use to make ordinary men and women face their fear and do the extraordinary. Things like, "If it's going to be, it's up to me!!!" But I had to dig through some cobwebs to get that one. Trust me...there are millions more.

Life doesn't just happen the way you want it to. I've seen people let life hit them as it goes by and frankly they're not so happy. I'm tired of whining about my life. I never wanted to be a whiner and I found that I'd become one...a great BIG one at that.

So I've decided to make a change...a great BIG one. Most of you know it all already but I will be leaving the Chicago area for the first time in my life and moving to Ohio. I will be attending the Franciscan University of Steubenville as a non-traditional under-graduate student of journalism.

And even more exciting...I will most likely be spending the spring semester abroad at the university's campus in Gaming Austria

The hills are alive, kids. The hills are f'ing alive!

Note to self...

...when traveling with anyone else, there is drama. (and that's all I have to say about that)

These are my travel companions. From left to right we have Craig (Jim's resident friend), Tim (friend of Jim's from Park Ridge) and Jim (himself)

Beauty can push through destruction.

We did climb around a big ass lava flow. This photo is of a Lehua bush. I tried to capture this shot to show how, in the middle of an enormous desolate lava field, this bush pushed its way through the lava and is blooming. Smack in the middle of a wasteland, life goes on. Very poetic if you ask me.

More photos

Aloha kids!

I've got more photos for y'all.
Yesterday we went to Volcanoes National Park and saw some amazing stuff. We hiked a good way to get to these petragliphs.

Craig said he thought the ancient Hawaiians needed to go to art class. Frankly, there's a lot of things the ancient Hawaiians did that were very Blair Witchy to me...piles of rocks all over the place...rickety twig structures with piles of rocks on them...very creepy.

I thought the petragliphs were pretty cool but by the end of the hike I was sunburned and exhausted. By the time we got to the end of the road, where we would, then, have to hike another 4.5 miles over lava rock to see the actual lava flowing, we were all like, "Screw you guys...we're going home." So I didn't get to see the glowing lava hitting the ocean. Oh well...next trip.

I'm a budding film-maker!

I have posted a short video on YouTube. The search tag you use is "dancingtim" and the title of the clip is "Aloha Tim"

Spielberg watch out! Oh...another photo for you guys.




This is Turtle Bay Resort...we were trespassing. (heehee)

Aloha from Oahu!

So here I am in Hawaii. It's OK I guess.

Here's a photo of a boring sunrise. ZZZzzzz. I'm trying to be strong. It is hard to cope sometimes.

No but seriously...Hawaii is a different place than anywhere I've ever been. It's enchanting.

Don't be too jealous. I wish you were all here with me.

More photos to follow.

Aloha!

Well kids, I'm off to Hawaii! I have worked so much this weekend all I want to do is sleep but I have to pack and take my mom out for her mother's day/birthday lunch. I will try to blog from the islands but I don't know if I'll have internet access.

I have one quick Restaurant Etiquette entry:

• If you've waited two hours for a table on the busiest day of the year, please do YOURSELF a favor and order something other than fried shrimp.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Restaurant Etiquette Part II

• Don't bitch about prices. If you prefer to spend $9.99 on a bottle of wine, then stop at Osco on the way home and shut the hell up. I don't set the prices so either order the damn wine or get a glass of water.
• Please don't ask me for 3 samples of wine so you can get a free "glass" before you actually choose one to pay for.
• It is not my job to keep your soup warm while you're on the phone.
• Don't ask for a table for 10 when only 5 of you are staying to eat.
  

I swear some days I don't know how I do what I do.

My Mother is a Ham

Hey everyone. Go check out my nationally acclaimed mother. She just can't stay away from those cameras.

Just click to launch the video on the right side of the screen. There she'll be in all her glory.

Talk about a salesman!!

So, many of you know my friend Jim. He's a salesman. He could sell ice to an Eskimo. So at 12:30am Thursday morning I get a text message from him asking if I want to go to Hawaii in six weeks. My first reaction is like, "hahahaha...right." Then he throws in that he's springing for lodging and all I have to do is pay for air-fare.

So about 18 hrs. after that damn text message, he's using his credit card to book my flight. I won't have much free time till then as I must work work work. But I know I can swing it.

The thought has occurred to me that if I can come up with the money for this trip and still pay my monthly expenses, then there's no reason I don't have a savings account.

Where the hell is all my money going!?

eeek! I'm going to Hawaii!! YAY!!!

Things I wish they told me

Meegs has a great post on her blog about what kind of difference being a Christian should make in someone's life.

She begins by asking if, for example, she was accepted into the graduate program of her choice because she is a Christian who prayed. Did she pray properly? Is God a God of slot machines wherein you insert your nickel prayer and pull hoping for the three cherries to line up?

I can't tell you the number of youth rallies and conferences and retreat talks I've heard where the speaker gave some stirring testimony (that made us all cry) where God pulled all these strings and BAM!! "I got exactly what I wanted" and "isn't God fabulous!?"

The problem with that is, it doesn't explain why there have been no such strings pulled in my life. I'm not complaining, but as a young impressionable new believer, after hearing such talks, I expected my life to be filled with unexplainable, supernatural experiences that would bring constant joy and peace.

Frankly, that's all a load of crap but I'm fucking pissed off that at age 36 I'm still feeling kinda wounded that God doesn't love me enough to fill my life with miracles. I wish I had let go of some of that hope a little sooner. I don't want to be bitter but I tend to believe the best about people. And God. When a human disappoints me I can bounce back pretty nicely. But when I've been led to believe, in an emotionally charged environment (ie. rallies, conferences and retreats) that God is a God of miracles, I don't bounce back so easily when I don't see the fireworks I was promised.

If only some conference speaker would have warned me that life really really sucks sometimes and seems void of all things joyful, peaceful, and miraculous. And that God is in that...and that's the miracle.

And I've learned that God doesn't need to answer to me. And it's weird but I'm comforted by that.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm hanging on to the reins of life while my horse gallops out of control. Is it possible that God's got reins that override mine?

Shit, I hope so.

Someone remind me...

that when I sit at home all day and do nothing but "relax" I wind up feeling lethargic and depressed.

Thanks :)

I love my charming vintage apartment

My toilette just overflowed and all I did was pee and wipe twice. Yay me!!

Chinese New Year Resolution...and I'm even late for that!

I resolve to....

• not be manipulated.
• not allow my friends to treat me with disrespect simply because they're my friends.
• to love my enemies...even if they shake their empty cup at me.
• to love my life even if there are things that I hope for that don't seem possible.
• to be a agent of peace in the world...even when people have waited 40 minutes for a table and didn't sit down in time for the early bird special and they're mad at me about it.
• have healthy boundaries.
• love from a distance if I have to. (this might be a good time to start praying again.)
  

Brief Update with no detail

Well it's been a while, kids. Life is a challenge right now. Not just in one area but in every area. I'm at the point right now where I want to move up to the North Woods and live in Bud-n-Sue's little cabin in the woods and poop in a bucket for a month. (they shut off the water in winter)

Either that or get me some serious meds.

I will go into detail at another time but I will say this...

Those of you who have expressed concern were right...

you were fucking right.

I retract my statement

OK. I'm mentally challenged. It seems the lawns all around my neighborhood are still covered with snow. The offending, snow-less lawn is the five feet of grass outside my building. I don't know why there's no snow on it but it was so startling that I threw all the lawns in the Midwest into a sweeping generalization. Consider this my apology to all the lawns who have appropriate amounts of snow on them.

Here's another photo I liked from the bunch. Not for its unique perspective or it's stunning composition but for it's forlorn cuteness.

Look at the little tilting tree. Isn't it sweet?

someone help me understand

I was walking from my car to my building today and I noticed that there was hardly any snow on the ground.

As I recall, it snowed somthin' fierce on Tuesday. I know this because I took my new camera out in the weather to look at the pretty snow and capture some shots. (The above being my favorite.)

Anyway, I also recall that it's been f'ing cold as hell all week. So where'd all that snow go?

It didn't melt. The city doesn't usually plow the grass. Someone help me out here.

Restaurant Etiquette Part I

I did not start this blog as a vehicle to complain about my experiences waiting tables. There are some awesome waiter blogs out there (waiter rant being my favorite) and I've never wanted to compete with them.

But I have just a few things for people to keep in mind....(and by "people" I mean everyone other than the 4 people who read my blog.)

• If you've waited an hour and a half for a table then it probably means the restaurant is busy...consequently, your server will be busy. And it is probable that he or she has other guests in his or her care. So this is a good time to remind yourself that you are not the center of the universe.
• If your drink is empty, shaking your ice around in the glass 6 inches off the table as your server walks by is never a good idea. Please refer to the Please and Thank You chapters of your kindergarten textbooks.
• If your server makes a mistake it's because he or she is human and not because they were really hoping to ruin your night. The more you bitch about it the more your server retracts their initially sincere apology.
• If you enjoy making servers stay late while you refuse to pay the check you are pathetic and should consider a less passive aggressive hobby.
• If your server comes to the table with their hands full but they forgot your cocktail sauce, chances are they didn't forget, they just left their extra set of arms at home that day. Keep your mouth shut and give them a chance to come back with it.

Thanks for letting me vent kids!

Still in the land of the living

...but barely.

I've been parked on the couch for 4 days...today makes 5. I was going to call in extra for the dinner shift but I didn't want to leave my couch. I'm bored out of my mind; I feel cloudy in the head from lack of fresh air; I feel lonely and destined to live out my days knowing that, if, in the middle of the night, I should require emergency medical attention, i will die.

I think the only reason I went to the doctor was because last time I had bronchitis I thought I was going to choke on my own phlegm in my sleep. But he gave me some very nice cough syrup and a doctor's note stating that I was, in fact, sick with something other than a hangover for those folks at work who don't trust Saturday morning sick calls.

All I want to do is sleep on my couch and watch TLC all day. And since I've done that very thing for the past four days (with a little review of Alias season 4 thrown in) I'm guessing I'm in a bit of a depression.

Ah well, not to worry...I have a double tomorrow. And I bet it'll be the greatest double of my life. It'll be good to get out and actually use my slightly atrophied body .

Oh why does the thought of going to work make me cringe? I think I'm going to work on my book a bit today. I need another life option. Maybe that's why I'm depressed.

Hmmm....

Heavy sigh....

It's the new year. I don't even know what to say. I've done some introspection but really I'm just fried. Here are some resolutions I've been toying with.

1) Learn the names of all the Latinos at work. It's really hard to learn someone's name when you can't have a conversation with them. I think I must remember names based on what I learn about them in conversation. I don't speak Spanish so I don't know all their names. That makes me feel bad. They work so hard to make my job easier and I haven't learned their names. Shame on me.

2) I have a whole pack of smokes left. I'm not even looking forward to smoking it. My lungs hurt. So I might quit smoking. But, there are some people who don't smoke who are getting all excited about the opportunity to tsk tsk me when I do (sadly none of them read this blog) I wish I could tell them to remember, it's not about what they want, or what I want, it's about what my body requires. It currently requires nicotine. It will take a tremendous amount of will power and God's grace to kick the habit. It will NOT require a whole lot of nagging. Thank you very much.

3) I will write everyday. I will do something that I hate doing. Practice. I hated practicing the flute in 4th grade. I hated practicing guitar in 7th. I hate practicing. I want the results without the work. This is my greatest weakness. It's time I start working on it. I don't want to be a server forever.

4) I think 3 resolutions is enough.