Lisa's "weekend"

I had this glorious writing schedule planned for the Sunday Monday and Tuesday weekend I'd arranged. Here I am at Panera...planning on writing for the first time. Plus, I'm really just killing time till what's-his-face-calls...we're going "cruising" tonight. I'm so excited for him. He needed Lori's little beater of a car to feel human again...and it's fun to watch him get giddy.

Anyway, I'm just dropping by to say something real quick. I promise...then I write.

I was told yesterday that I'm 35 and it's time I let Lisa have some fun. That I should just have sex with you know who and get it overwith. That we both want it so we should just have fun and let whatever happens happen.

Sigh...It's not like the thought hasn't crossed my mind. And make no mistake. I'm not talking...blush...giggle... crossed my mind. I mean I've gone so far as to weigh pros and cons.
I do get tired of being different from the rest of the world. There are quite a few people I socialize with who have sex for the fun of it. Yes...even the women. It's not the high-school girl lets varsity quarterback get in her pants because she wants to be loved scenario. It's pure adult sex for fun and no one gets hurt. And if they do then they're no more heartbroken than I've been by various love interests. So what the hell's the big deal.

I don't have all the answers. Not even to my should I/shouldn't I dilemma. But one thing I do know is my own heart. If I listen closely it will remind me over the din of my raging hormones that when it happens it will be a complete self donation. There is no separating sex and love in this heart.

So no matter what I believe is possible for the future. The question of the moment is this: Is he prepared to receive all of Lisa?

A: Hell no.

Speaking of Epic Moments

So my friend got his (Lori's) car today. I was hoping (as I always do) that by now I would have gotten the let's-go-for-a-drive call. It is currently 7:18 pm and I have received no such invitation.

I'm not devestated. Just mildly disappointed. No plans were made in advance...he hasn't blown me off. But I had this grand story going on in my head. My doorbell would ring...I'd say, "wtf?!" because no one ever just drops by. I'd do the intercom thing and it would be him telling me to get dressed and come on down b/c he was taking me to dinner. We'd have a nice time and talk about everything on our minds and maybe even continue the evening with a walk on the beach.

You see? Epic.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Best seller list please!....PRONTO!!

Back in January I decided that I would seriously begin my "writing career" and get something published. My mom got me that big ol' Writers Market book for Christmas that came with a year membership to Writersmarket.com. I have done nothing and I'm feeling very (nickle word) very ($.05) very($.05) inadequate.

I figured that since my imagination is sooo out of control and I've got a dreamed up scenario for every possible life event, that writing it all down could get me at least published. But as I look at my blank screen I realize I'm good at writing epic moments. I actually have a bunch saved on my hard drive. It's the beginnings that scare me.

I seriously don't know how to start a story. I know how to write the BIG stuff. But what are all the things that led up to the big stuff? I dunno. Maybe I don't care. Maybe that's my problem. I want all big stuff and no back story.

Maybe I'm impatient. I want the book written...now. The stories of writers working on the great american novel for a decade. Screw that...I want the Robert James Waller book. Bridges of Madison County was written in like 2 weeks. Now that's what I'm talkin' about. Even though Stephen King suggests (in so many words) that Bridges was less than quality writing, it was a NYTimes bestseller, was it not?

I'm really only half serious. I want to write well. But I am impatient. I am a procrastinator. I spent hours writing and rewriting lists of contests I want to submit my writing to. But I didn't write a damn thing.

I guess I have to work on myself. Self evaluation...reflection...correction. Ugh! To be unaware! Ignorance is bliss, no?

This is fun...

"The hardest thing about writing is always having to clean the refridgerator first."

Not sure about the above quote...I was told it was Hemmingway. I love it regardless.
The following is Hemmingway for sure.

"The first draft of anything is shit."

This I relate to!

I wanna feel something!

My friend Lisa has a blog and I don't know how to turn her name into the link

(Lori, please help me!)

so here's her blog thingy http://zell-it.com/blog/

She has some interesting thoughts on the new WTC movie.

Here's what I think.
#1 I think people want to be a part of something bigger than themselves. The day to day grind doesn't stir people's hearts. What does John* say? The things that stir men's hearts are beauty and affliction. People sat on their asses and watched the tube for 4 days striaght because they wanted their hearts to feel again.

#2 In a world where it's almost a crime to say that there is an absolute moral code we were able, on that day, to say with certainty(and have most agree with us) that this was a purely evil act.

I think people feel safe with moral boundries. Oddly enough, I think people sat on their asses and watched the tube for 4 days straight because saying "this is wrong" felt good. In a strange way, it felt safe. As if they were thinking, "I knew there was a right and a wrong!!

I have more to say about absolut vs. relative morality...but I'm saving it for another day. II'm very tired.

Peace out!

*Eldridge not the gospel writer.

A quick thought before I go

I'm off to the WI state fair today. Hello funnel cake, grilled corn and cheese curds!

I wanted to drop in and say something that's on my mind.

It's about communication people!!

You're never gonna know why he/she does that thing you hate unless you ask.
He/she will certainly never stop doing it unless you explain to them why you hate it.
And he/she is never gonna know why you're upset unless you tell them.

They're not assholes because they can't read minds. If you follow the above advice and they don't care....then their assholes.

I have to go beyond the cheese curtain now....

A girl can't shop anymore!!!

About 2 weeks ago I was in a Bath & Body Works. I had just spent a bunch of time reading and writing and deep thinking and I just wanted to browse and maybe get some air freshener. But I was not 5 seconds in the door when I was approached by someone who asked if they could help me find something. I politely smiled and responded with, "No thanks, I'm just browsing." She went on to list all the things that were on sale and pointed out exactly where I might find the items. I made it a point to communicate by my body language that I was serious when I said I was just BROWSING. But naturally I responded with a grin and a, "thanks". She of course, felt compelled to continue by telling me that IF I were, at any point in time, in need of her assistance that I should seek her out. Again I said, "thanks". Then finally she walked away.

I finally felt safe to continue thinking about all that was on my mind. But...and I'd love to say I was exaggerating the time frame here...10 seconds later....an extremely bright eyed manager- type started coming at me like I was a wounded wildabeast, and her next meal. I literally felt a sense of panic as she came up to me...the bitch was gonna help me find something if it killed her. "HI! :) :) :) Can I help you find something?!?!" I said, "No thanks, she already asked and I'm just browsing." Again, I wish I was exaggerating but she seriously started listing the sales and then wanted me to follow her (she wasn't just going to point like her slacker employee!) to their locations.

If anyone knows me they know I'm extremely non-confrontational. But I've been getting better lately. So I had to interupt her by saying, "Look, I was already approached and I just want to look around. If I'm not allowed to do that, then I'm going to leave." And do you know what she said?? She said, (at least sheepishly...I'll give her that) "I'm sorry, I just wanted to let you know that...blah blah blah...is on sale and that you can find it...." Me interrupting (and not so polite), "Yes. I know. Thank you."

I was left alone after that. Odly enough, air freshener was one of the items on sale. And in fact I did seek out sales girl #1 to ask a question about it.

Ok...first of all the store is about 200 sq ft. and I think there's a sales girl for every 5. I go to ikea and I wonder if there's anyone even working there and that place is about as big as O'Hare.
Secondly, I want to know if a survey has ever been done that has found that if a person needs something and doesn't know where to find it, that they are more likely to leave without asking than getting what they need.

I don't know who comes up with these sales tactics. I think our consumer driven culture does just fine without pushy sales people. I say get rid of commission based pay alltogether. If I want a car I'll buy a car...and I'll hunt for the best deal. If you can give me the best deal then we can talk. But the price of body spray isn't negotiable...so leave me the fuck alone.

Hello blogging world!!

I can't believe I'm here. It took me an hour and a half to finally get this far in the blog creating process. I was a little nervous. Go figure.

Anyway, here's the deal. I don't have internet in my home yet because I can't bring myself to pay for tv and cable internet. Isn't tv supposed to come with your...uh.....TV !?!?!

I guess I'm bitter. I turn on the tube and all I get is static and it pisses me off.

So as far as blogging goes I'm stuck going to panera till I can overcome my hatred for comcast. I ask for your patience.

I look forward to venting with all of you in the days and months (and who knows...years) to come.

Later!