As many of you know, I'm here in Ohio. I moved to this town of Steubenville, not because I've always wanted to live in the Ohio River Valley where the air is so filled with pollutants from the many local steel mills and power plants that your lungs burn in your chest in the morning, but because Franciscan University of Steubenville is here. I'm here to get a degree in communications and hopefully learn how to write books. I came believing that this is where God wanted me.
It seems as though he is putting my often microscopic faith in Him to the test. I have, to this point, failed to acquire the necessary loans to continue in the spring. I do have an appointment with financial aid tomorrow (today) so that may make my entire post moot. But lets assume my appointment won't solve my problem...at least immediately.
I have been reminding God, with shaking fist to the heavens, that He's the one who brought me here. I'm also mentioning (in case He forgot) that he owns all the money in the whole wide world and that I only need a little bitty bit. Not to mention that I will be paying that money back by working very hard and using my degree. It's not like I'm asking for free handouts or anything.
Anyway, after my nice long weekend I was told about an extra-credit op. for my media class. I was to go see Regina Doman, an FUS grad, speak about how her communications degree helped her write her books and get them published.
UM...HELLO! That's exactly what I want to do. So I went to hear her speak. She is soo exactly what I want to be. I was having such an adrenaline rush my hand was shaking and I could hardly take notes.
So I took the whole thing back to God and said, "This feels like confirmation that you're going to work the whole thing out." But I've gotten "confirmation" from you before and I was clearly wrong. SO....are you dangling that proverbial carrot again?" As usual He was silent. (and I was quiet for a long time...waiting for the voice...which I never ever get.)
So we'll see how my meeting goes tomorrow (today).
I have hope, as always. And I feel so stupid for trusting God...but I do. I have to believe that it can't all depend on my finite understanding. If it did, then God is mean and sadistic. And he can't be...he can't be. He is good. He just has to be.
1 comment:
Hang in there. I don't have any profound words of advice, because I often have the same struggles you're having now. The only small pearl I have to give you is to pray about/focus on what God wants for your life, and not what you want for your life. I'm sure that's something you did to a great extent before you journeyed out to the land of stink, but it's something that never ends.
Remember how God let Abraham get all the way to the point of raising the knife before he told him that wasn't the plan? Sometimes we might not be led right to the end game (that's very Alias of me) right away. Truth takes time. (Ok, that was definitely Alias of me.)
Love you!
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