Next time I say, "I can't wait to write a paper"...just shoot me.

I am writing my big research paper today. Guess how come! Oh c'mon guess!

Because it's due tomorrow!

I've had my sources forever. I've been going over them all and doing the research from the beginning. But it's the writing of the paper that gets the grade. I really don't think my body knows how to write a paper without the overwhelming pressure of knowing it's due tomorrow.

I'm signing off till this paper gets handed in.

Don't Listen to the "Experts"

A couple years ago I went with Lori to Xsport to workout with her. I got the tour from one of the hard-sell buff guys so I wouldn't have to pay the fee. (remind me that sometimes it's worth the money) So this huge body builder type asks me if I exercise. I asked if being on your feet for 30+ hours a week counts as exercise. Before I could get the question out he responded with a rather forceful, "NO!" I was dismayed to think that all that time running around for extra oil and garlic wasn't doing me a damn bit of good.

Well, I wish I could go find that punk kid and tell him where he could put his free-weights. I looked in the mirror this morning and realized that three months of sitting in class, sitting on my couch, sitting in a chair at the library, sitting and typing papers has officially put me back to the weight I was hoping to never see again. I have always had weeks where my tummy was a little bit bigger because I went out to eat too many times but the extra weight never reached my face. Well, my face is showing the weight gain now. And with my big fluffy hair I'm starting to look like Aslan. (and not in a majestic, noble and wise way if you know what I mean.)

I am in the depths of despair.

Things to remember:

• This is within my power to change.
• If I lost it once I can lose it again.

Things that scare me:

• Overcoming addiction takes tremendous strength
• I don't feel so strong right now.

AGGGRRRHHH!!!!

Confirmation or a Carrot?

As many of you know, I'm here in Ohio. I moved to this town of Steubenville, not because I've always wanted to live in the Ohio River Valley where the air is so filled with pollutants from the many local steel mills and power plants that your lungs burn in your chest in the morning, but because Franciscan University of Steubenville is here. I'm here to get a degree in communications and hopefully learn how to write books. I came believing that this is where God wanted me.

It seems as though he is putting my often microscopic faith in Him to the test. I have, to this point, failed to acquire the necessary loans to continue in the spring. I do have an appointment with financial aid tomorrow (today) so that may make my entire post moot. But lets assume my appointment won't solve my problem...at least immediately.

I have been reminding God, with shaking fist to the heavens, that He's the one who brought me here. I'm also mentioning (in case He forgot) that he owns all the money in the whole wide world and that I only need a little bitty bit. Not to mention that I will be paying that money back by working very hard and using my degree. It's not like I'm asking for free handouts or anything.

Anyway, after my nice long weekend I was told about an extra-credit op. for my media class. I was to go see Regina Doman, an FUS grad, speak about how her communications degree helped her write her books and get them published.

UM...HELLO! That's exactly what I want to do. So I went to hear her speak. She is soo exactly what I want to be. I was having such an adrenaline rush my hand was shaking and I could hardly take notes.

So I took the whole thing back to God and said, "This feels like confirmation that you're going to work the whole thing out." But I've gotten "confirmation" from you before and I was clearly wrong. SO....are you dangling that proverbial carrot again?" As usual He was silent. (and I was quiet for a long time...waiting for the voice...which I never ever get.)

So we'll see how my meeting goes tomorrow (today).

I have hope, as always. And I feel so stupid for trusting God...but I do. I have to believe that it can't all depend on my finite understanding. If it did, then God is mean and sadistic. And he can't be...he can't be. He is good. He just has to be.

Hang on...

...I want to try something. I thought I had to upload to YouTube first. Maybe I can just copy and past it from my hard drive. This next video doesn't have a Tina Dennelly oscar winning sign-language performance but it has better waves. Let's see if it works.




YouTube works better. I think blogger takes too long to approve it or something because the little video box was there but it said the video was unavailable. Whatever.

My Fall Break

This past weekend was my 4-day Fall break and I took a drive out to Long Island to see Tina and her family. I had a great time relaxing and enjoying her company. Her husband Terry, after a full week of work, was a saint and watched their kids, Tess 3 1/2 and Peter, 1 1/2, while Tina and I drove out to Montauk to see the lighthouse. It was, unfortunately the day the island was being hit with the tail end of a hurricane. I've seen many oceans but in all my life I've never seen waves like these. As the video will show, it wasn't a pretty day. But I still love the ocean. It's ability to provide a beautiful turquoise place of rest, like I saw in Hawaii in May, and it's ability to kill you if you fail to treat it with respect, make me love it in the same way I love men. Someone asked me once what my favorite body of water was and I said the ocean. Then she asked me why...and I told her the same reasons I mentioned above. Then she giggled and said that supposedly one's favorite body of water was a representation of one's view of sex. I don't know if that's true or not but I find it interesting, nevertheless.

Anyway, here's some footage from the adventure. Tina started to talk and I told her the wind was too loud...so she resorted to sign-language.

For Your Viewing Pleasure...and Spiritual Uplift-ment

I had to write an essay on this short film for my mass media class. I think it would be meaningful to any Christian, although, if you weren't raised Catholic, you might not get that that big brass thing with the sunburst is a monstrance. Jesus is in there.

JESUS IN THE STREETS OF NEW YORK

I wish...

...they would put the nutritional information for the entire bag of Terra chips (or pint of Ben & Jerry's) instead of listing it per serving. You know, for when you've had one of those days and don't feel like doing the math yourself.

Like The Old Days

I have had a fabulous weekend kickin' it old school with Lisa Zell (Grover). By old school I mean lots of sitting on the couch in comfy pants, watching Felicity/Alias, and surfing the net together with my new wireless router.*

Yesterday we drove to Robinson to get us some Cracker Barrel and then went to campus to take some pictures but then came straight home to park our asses on the couch some more.

It's been lovely. Really.


*My router is a new addition (as are laptop computers) and clearly cannot be considered old school...but whatever.

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I will be an Erickson Community advocate forever. As I've said before, my mother has a better social life than I do. You may not have believed me then.
Here's your proof!

BTW...

That test I didn't study for? I got a B. Now I'm worrying about my Spanish test...for which I studied 7 hrs. She wanted me to write paragraphs. It's chapter 2!! Wtf?

I'll Dedicate my Book To You If...

...you help me come up with a story.

I've been meeting with the university's career counselor every couple of weeks or so. I have my meeting with her this Thursday. She gave me homework, of sorts, to complete before our meeting and I haven't done it. This is where you can all help me.

She and I have been discussing some of my writing goals and I told her that I'd love to write a novel with good Christian values but that wouldn't be classified as "Christian fiction." She asked what kind of story I'd like to write...what my novel would be about. I told her I had no idea and that that was my main problem.

My homework was to have a little get-together with the girls and have a plot-brainstorming party. Well the problem is that I don't feel comfortable taking them away from their studies with midterms being this week and next.

So I thought I'd send up a flare and ask my girls from home to help instead. Let's brainstorm here in cyberspace.

Tell me ladies...what's my book about?!?!?!

Learning about myself

I must confess that I totally blew off a test this week. My first test in News Reporting was really easy for me and I really enjoyed studying for it. But I seem to have mistaken "enjoyed studying" for "didn't study" because I barely picked up my notes for this one. I don't think I did very well at all.

God knew what he was doing!

Yeah. I hit enter after writing the title. So those of you who were waiting with baited breath for my next post got to see nothing but the title. Ooops!

So as I was saying...

Weekends are God's greatest invention. (next to hot men of course)

It's Friday afternoon and I'm gonna sit on my ass and watch a long run of America's Next Top Model (my guilty pleasure) and then go to a cookout tonight. Then I'm gonna sit on my ass some more tomorrow (and maybe study some) and go to our university's monthly Festival of Praise (where us Catholics get to stand in a big field house and sing songs projected on a big screen like a bunch of evangelicals.) Then on Sunday a bunch of us GNTers (that's Grad/Non-Traditional) are going to a winery and drink some yummy wine and eat cheese and crackers.

And what makes this all so fun is that I did all (well most) of my studying during the week at school so I'm home free.

Franciscan University of Steubenville

Here is the shot I see on my way home everyday. I love it here. The hills are the best. But I walked to class on Monday and I thought I was going to die. I live in a neighborhood on a huge hill and the university is on a different huge hill. It was a work-out let me tell you.

My Apartment.

As I promised I'm posting some photos of my place. I think I'm going to go run out and take some shots of the campus. There's a really great view of the steeple from the parking lot and late afternoon is the best time to take it since the sun is in just the right place.

Anyway, here's my cute kitchen, my living room and my bedroom.

Sorry this post is kind of a hodge podge...I have to get to campus...good sun and all.

Distractions from Studying

OMG! I have much studying to do! I guess I'll be posting more as a way of procrastinating. Though, I must say that I love having homework. I would come home from the crabhouse and having nothing worthwhile to do. I'm sure that in two months I'll wish I had nothing to do at home but right now studying give me a sense of purpose. And I really love learning.

I wish I had more time to study my Photoshop Bible. I bought it with my Border's gift card. I checked all the reviews and it seemed this big ass book was the best for beginners as well as those with a little more experience. If I could get my work done (study for three tests and write a five page paper and read read read) by Saturday night I might use Sunday as Photoshop day. That would be awesome! There are some great campus shots I'd love to capture. I'm going to take a Summer shot, and Autumn shot and a Winter shot.

Also, I was just reminded that you folks haven't seen what my apartment looks like now that I'm settled. I'll have to get that to you too. Hang on...maybe I'll do that now.

Stay tuned

Syllabi and why they make me happy....

I truly get almost giddy (on the inside) when that syllabus is headed my way down the row. I would jump around in my seat and make quick hand clapping motions with my hands if I wasn't going to be looked at funny.

Maybe it's the hope of a new beginning. A fresh start. There's no backtracking and making up for yesterday. Your past grades don't matter here. It all starts....right now...here's a syllabus.

I also like to know what's expected of me. I like to know that in two weeks there's a Spanish exam on Chapter 1. And that this paper that's due on September 20th is worth 20% of my grade. That's very important stuff to know when you've got two Cubs games and Pittsburgh's Irish Fest in one weekend.

The class syllabus can give some insight into the professor as well. Undoubtedly, Professor Whoever will highlight some key points in the syllabus. If he says cutesy little self-deprecating things about it, whether they're funny or not, you know he doesn't take himself too seriously. This is good. If he treats the syllabus like it's on the short list for the Pulitzer, then you know you're in trouble.

Of course the final reason for loving syllabi the way I do is the portion entitled "Objectives." This section outlines the goals of the class and lists the things that you'll learn. It answers that age old question.

"Why the hell am I here?"

24 hr Super-Duper WalMarts and other joys

Hungry, and worried we'd be eating Cheez-its for dinner, Lori and I trolled the Ohio River Valley for someplace that was still open for a late late dinner. We'd just returned to town from our trip to PA for a movie. Which was pretty cool. We had about a 45 minute drive through beautiful countryside to Washington, PA because the Hollywood Somthin' Somthin' Theatre was the only one still showing Transformers.

Anyway, we drove toward the mall hoping something was open. We found an A&W next to the WalMart. Now where I come from, WalMarts close at 10:00 so that option never occurred to me. But then we witnessed the strangest oddity...a man walking into the WalMart with a strange sense of confidence. He did not pause at the door searching for the hours of operation sign...no he did not! With head held high he went at the automatic doors as though he knew...deep in his soul knew they would open.

After witnessing such audacious confidence we approached the door (with no such certainty) and saw no sign telling us to turn around. Then with caution, we walked through the doors and, standing there, as though he wasn't going home anytime soon, stood our WalMart greeter and cart bequeath-er. Lori, asked a simple question...why I hadn't thought to ask I don't know. "are you open 24 hrs?"

The answer was simple...and yet so life altering.

"yep...and this is the best time to shop because everything is real fresh"

Fresh? How can cleaning supplies/clothes/storage bins be "fresh?"

Two more steps and I was able to behold a large grocery store sharing space with my 24 hr. crack-house for shopping addicts.

Life is good.

Moving Misery

I'm so overwhelmed right now. I haven't finished packing. I've got little bits of crap all over the place that have no category and therefore no "official" box. I suppose I could make a "bits of crap" box. But it looks so messy around here and I have many many trips to the garbage can which is 4 floors down. Ugh!!

I'm outta here....

...as soon as I run a thousand errands; pack more; go out to dinner with Ginge tonight; pack more; get a massage; pack more; do laundry; pack more; do more laundry; and pack.

I'm so tired and stressed, but also excited. I can't wait to settle into a new place in a new town and go to school. I know this sounds silly but I can't wait to write a paper and learn Elementary Spanish. I've got a bit of a head start in Spanish with all I learned on Sesame Street. (yay!)

I worked my last shift last night and I thought for sure I'd be sad. I wasn't. It did feel weird that my name wasn't on this week's schedule and I did have a bit of frustration when I realized I'd lost all my seniority. But I'm sooo over it.

I was on my way home with Lori and mentioned that I was experiencing a little bit of sadness about He- Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He and I had some very comfortable and friendly banter at the beginning of the shift and then at the end of it he just left. He might help me load the UHaul but I'm not putting money on it. He's very good at making promises.

Ok enough about that.

I'm looking forward to the road trip with Lori. We have both our iPods and we're ready. Everybody please pray that we can drive the UHaul with my car behind it without getting ourselves killed.

Thank you all for your love and support. I'll miss you LOTS!!