Talk about a salesman!!

So, many of you know my friend Jim. He's a salesman. He could sell ice to an Eskimo. So at 12:30am Thursday morning I get a text message from him asking if I want to go to Hawaii in six weeks. My first reaction is like, "hahahaha...right." Then he throws in that he's springing for lodging and all I have to do is pay for air-fare.

So about 18 hrs. after that damn text message, he's using his credit card to book my flight. I won't have much free time till then as I must work work work. But I know I can swing it.

The thought has occurred to me that if I can come up with the money for this trip and still pay my monthly expenses, then there's no reason I don't have a savings account.

Where the hell is all my money going!?

eeek! I'm going to Hawaii!! YAY!!!

Things I wish they told me

Meegs has a great post on her blog about what kind of difference being a Christian should make in someone's life.

She begins by asking if, for example, she was accepted into the graduate program of her choice because she is a Christian who prayed. Did she pray properly? Is God a God of slot machines wherein you insert your nickel prayer and pull hoping for the three cherries to line up?

I can't tell you the number of youth rallies and conferences and retreat talks I've heard where the speaker gave some stirring testimony (that made us all cry) where God pulled all these strings and BAM!! "I got exactly what I wanted" and "isn't God fabulous!?"

The problem with that is, it doesn't explain why there have been no such strings pulled in my life. I'm not complaining, but as a young impressionable new believer, after hearing such talks, I expected my life to be filled with unexplainable, supernatural experiences that would bring constant joy and peace.

Frankly, that's all a load of crap but I'm fucking pissed off that at age 36 I'm still feeling kinda wounded that God doesn't love me enough to fill my life with miracles. I wish I had let go of some of that hope a little sooner. I don't want to be bitter but I tend to believe the best about people. And God. When a human disappoints me I can bounce back pretty nicely. But when I've been led to believe, in an emotionally charged environment (ie. rallies, conferences and retreats) that God is a God of miracles, I don't bounce back so easily when I don't see the fireworks I was promised.

If only some conference speaker would have warned me that life really really sucks sometimes and seems void of all things joyful, peaceful, and miraculous. And that God is in that...and that's the miracle.

And I've learned that God doesn't need to answer to me. And it's weird but I'm comforted by that.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm hanging on to the reins of life while my horse gallops out of control. Is it possible that God's got reins that override mine?

Shit, I hope so.

Someone remind me...

that when I sit at home all day and do nothing but "relax" I wind up feeling lethargic and depressed.

Thanks :)

I love my charming vintage apartment

My toilette just overflowed and all I did was pee and wipe twice. Yay me!!

Chinese New Year Resolution...and I'm even late for that!

I resolve to....

• not be manipulated.
• not allow my friends to treat me with disrespect simply because they're my friends.
• to love my enemies...even if they shake their empty cup at me.
• to love my life even if there are things that I hope for that don't seem possible.
• to be a agent of peace in the world...even when people have waited 40 minutes for a table and didn't sit down in time for the early bird special and they're mad at me about it.
• have healthy boundaries.
• love from a distance if I have to. (this might be a good time to start praying again.)